An Open Letter to the Gaming World from Shooty McTwoguns

Hi there. You may remember me from the background of many character-driven multiplayer games, such as Overwatch, League of Legends, or Paragon (R.I.P.). You may have taken a look at my sweet twin pistols, or twin shotguns, or twin pistol-shotguns, and dismissed me as lacking character, originality, or a real sense of purpose -- other than shooting bullets.

You may have laughed. That's fine. I don't blame you.

The truth is that I've been around for a long time, and I've seen a lot of fads come and go. And I'm here to tell you that there could be much more to Two Guns Person, so much more, if you only had a little imagination. 

I'm fed up with being shoved into every character-driven multiplayer roster in existence. I'm done being the token "Blam Blam" guy. I'm tired of being a footnote to the achievements of more unique class archetypes. And most of all, I'm sick and tired of travesties like this:

Is this really what you think of me? A bland, expressionless face, shooting wistfully into the distance at an ambiguous threat, or maybe at nothing in particular because hey, infinite ammo, why even give me a not-shooting animation? Do you think that my only mode of locomotion is walking forward and shooting my guns one at a time, their recoil perfectly staggered?

Well, I've got news for you. I can also shoot them at the same time. Or -- this may blow your mind -- I can mostly shoot one gun, and only bring out the other gun for special occasions. Did that ever occur to you? No? Didn't think so.

The bottom line is, until we see some semblance of respect from the gaming industry, all of those things are exactly what we won't do. That's right, we. This has gone on long enough. It's time to unionize. I'm reaching out to every two-gunned Joe and Jane in every computer, console, and mobile gaming incarnation to spread the word. Until we see real representation, we're going on strike.

Yeah, you're laughing again, I can tell. That's fine. You'll learn. You'll see just how much you've relied on us to fill out your rows upon rows of fantasy/future/steampunk hero rosters. You'll see just how far the twin-barrel cool factor has carried all kinds of unimaginative, uninspired design choices.

We'll see how far your industry gets without Two Guns People.